Funny, the older I get I thought I would be wiser..more patient..you know a everyday Buddha if you will..perhaps some sort of Swami. Buts its not turning out like that. I feel such a disconnect with myself and this life..I doubt myself and wonder if I am doing a good job raising my children. I want to be calm..clear-headed and rational..be the one my kids turn to for help and advice. I talk to Lily all the time, well try to anyway..I am the one that always asks about school days and get all the juicy details of the daily gossip and rumors meandering 'round the 3rd grade. Its like I have to ask her stuff, she doesn't really volunteer anything to me. And Justin..he doesn't do any of that and she goes to him with a heaping of the daily doses. I guess I will stop asking her questions and just let her come to me.
I really need to get my yoga on. Its been forever and a day since I have done anything. I love yoga. The way it makes me feel..physically and mentally. Clarity, still-ness..all the chatter in my brain just stops for the moment and there is a silence. The smell of the nag champa in the yoga room... the sounds of the sitar chiming throughout...
Something needs to happen in my life..like right now..something big..a major change.
I know it.. I want it. I feel it.
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