Yoga and the middle-aged, out- of -shape Mama

In between doing laundry, cleaning and waiting for another frog delivery(yes we had to order another one..bleh..) I decided to do me some yoga. Its seems like forever since I had time or the will to do anything.

I start off with Ardha-Chandrasana..aka Half Moon..that felt like my ribs were going to tear one by one and plop down right next to me on my yoga mat. Its all good. Then I try my hand at Gururesana aka Eagles Pose..(oh btw pardon spelling errors, I probably am not spelling the names of the asanas correctly and I am too lazy to look it up in my book.) Needless to say I fell on my ass and wouldn't you know there happen to be one of the thousands of Jack's hotwheels on the carpet. Great. Having the imprint of the Boss Hog Cadillac from the Dukes of Hazard on my calf is wicked fun.

Totally depressed and needing some encouragement, I attempt The Awkward Pose..its called something like Utkatasana or something I forget. I mean look at this..

They weren't joking when they named this gem. And to top it off, when I was in this ridiculous position for like 5 seconds trying to get my zen on, Salsa gets the grand idea to come over and bite my ass.

I decided to use my other book with master yogi.. Erick Schiffman..I've been doing this workout since way back when but its been like so long since I opened this book. I decided to try one of the positions that I used to do..

Who in their right mind can do this? I mean seriously folks. I suppose if you have no boobs its cake..

Ahhh..forget it, I quit..for now anyway..

Move over Mario Batali, Lily's in 'da house!!

Lily decided she wanted to make dinner the other night, sweet! I could definitely use the night off, that's for sure. After a few minutes of brainstorming, she came up with spaghetti and meatballs. Now your talking. I have made meatballs once when Lily was like 2..and they were totally gross to boot.

She gathered all the needed ingredients and off she went, like a little master chef, making a shitload of meatballs. That's my girl. :)

When those were finished, we put them in the oven and she got busy on the sauce. She added who knows what to the simmering red goodness and stood there watching over the pan and stirring every minute or so. I took the balls outta the oven and put them in the sauce. She continued to make the pasta and set the table. God, I could get use to this. Of course I did the 'dangerous' stuff like turning on the stove and taking items in and out of the oven..everything else was fair game. I sat at the table with a my trusty word search and a cocktail.

Time to eat..and man she made some killer sauce..tangy and savory..complete awesomeness.

I definitely need to get her in there more often, that is for sure.

In other news, our beloved "Tady" a.k.a. grow a frog..has moved on to another dimension. Unfortunately he died last week. It was awful. Who knew Lily had become so attached to him. She lost it...I mean really lost it..uncontrollable sobbing, begging Justin to bring back her frog, that he was so special and he was her friend. It was hard for me to hold back my own tears while watching her deal with this situation. While she went to get a Kleenex, Justin did the dumbest thing, he flushed him away down the toilet. I mean I would have done that too, however when you have kids its different and he should have known there would be a burial and funeral to attend. We ordered 2 more frogs...I am particularly not fond of this..I totally made it clear I want nothing to do with these creatures, I will not clean tanks, clean poo, whatever...I mean c'mon I have enough crap to do, butts to wipe, dog shit to shovel, food to prepare..and not in that order either.

And last but certainly not least, the bra issue.. ( if there is any males reading this you may want to close up and shop and go on Fantasy Football or something..this is boring and you really don't need to her about the bra saga..ciao!)
After what seemed like forever with bra issues, I finally have found the perfect bra. A neighbor and me are on this on going odyssey to 'find Kelly a proper bra that contains the girls' as she puts it. Last week she went and bought a couple of new ones from Sears. She came straight to my house before going upstairs and she hands it to me and says try it on. I look at the size and gasp laughing while spewing out some of the coffee I was drinking. Double D?!? You are crazy. I have never been that size. I have been wearing 36 D..plain and simple. I tried on this monstrosity that I thought it would be way to huge and oddly enough it fits..like perfectly. The most comfortable bra ever. Everything was properly contained, nothing overflowing the top or sneaking out the bottom, this bra totally rocked. And it was a 38dd. Dude!! The next day, off we went to Sears to get me some of that double d action. It is so hard to find a perfect bra. I know half of woman are wearing the wrong size..(according to the Oprah show anyway). Finally I am happy to say I have a proper bra..and the other plus? Its not ugly either..

God its pretty sad that I can ramble on and on about a bra..

My Mary Kay rep finally came and delivered the goods that I have been waiting for. Its so funny, she has a Mary Kay car.. that's too cute.

Finally Found Em'

Did my research and found them, however they are all retired I can still get them. Cool!

My Gnome Friends

When I worked at Hallmark I started to collect these really cool Gnome figurines..I think they were by Enesco. I had about 6 of these guys. I love Gnomes. Justin even bought me some Gnome pajamas awhile back.

I had packed them away for awhile, can't remember why..oh yeah because Jack was always trying to play with them..and of course most of them broke. I have only one left. I can't find anymore. I have devoured my entire house looking for these creatures and I have only found one. He is talking to a bunny with one ear.

I have looked one Amazon and Ebay for this particular type of Gnome and can't find it anywhere. I bought all that was left from Hallmark because they were discontinued. I think they may have been called Gnome Diaries or Stories or something like that. If anyone knows where I can get them let me know. I want to create a wee little village for them. They totally rock. Lily hates them and says they completely freak her out. Silly girl, Gnomes are for mommy. I want MORE!!!

Buddha Delight...

Just some randomness

The death weather finally rolled in around Friday..it was 106 in these parts. Sat and Sun. weren't much better either. But we were so happy when it finally cooled down in the evening..see..its only 101 outside in the shade.

We went and got Jack a haircut last week. He was very pleased with the result. He thinks he looks like a 'skateboard guy'. Here's a few shot with his hair..gosh could he suck any harder on this here straw? He is trying to get every last precious drop of his liquid gold.

It has been way too hot to cook. Last night I made a quick and simply dish called Cheeseburger Salad Deluxe. It was good, I had this at that pampered chef party I went to awhile back.

Ground hamburger mixed with ketchup, mustard, red onion, diced pickles,tomatoes, and cheese on top of lettuce. Totally low carb!! Also for croutons, you can get a hamburger bun and put it under the broiler for maybe 4-6 minutes or until crisp, then you cut it up and presto, homemade croutons..well sorta. I didn't have any hamburger buns but I did have 1,387 hot dog buns because we went to Costco Saturday..works just the same. Good eats!!!

Let's get physical!

I have been totally doing awesome with getting in shape. I think my stomach is shrinking because I am full alot sooner and rarely finish my food. Yesterday I didn't eat lunch..well a few pieces of broccoli dipped in low fat dip and 7 Sun Chips.
This morning I have been an exercising fool. Its fantastic. I took all my wee ones..including Salsa on a biking adventure. Disaster ensued with me totally wiping out and eating major shit in the street..(thanks alot Salsa!)..good thing no one was around, they would have had a helluva chuckle watching a grown woman do a double flip over the front of her mountain bike and then dragged by a greyhound. Needless to say Salsa won't be coming along again. I dropped her sorry ass off back at home and we went out again. Lily and I will go again this evening when Justin comes home..that way we won't have to bring Jack. He makes me so nervous, hauling ass on the little razor scooter.
I took a shower to cool off since it was heating up already..85 degrees at 10:15am..and when I was done I stepped on the scale and low and behold I have shed 4 pounds! Yay me! That is exactly what I needed. To see the numbers get smaller and smaller is a great feeling. :)

Oh yeah, about last night

We took Lily to the dentist last night. We thought she was getting in a tooth. It was coming in in her gums and it was tender. Well right before we left I looked again in her little mouth and I diagnosed it as a canker sore..due to trauma in the mouth. I am the family doctor ya know.
When the Dr. looked in Lily's mouth at the area and said what she did I about fell on the floor. This is what she said and I quote.. "Looks like a canker sore due to some trauma to the mouth.." Damn I am good.
She proceeded with the exam and couldn't believe that this was Lily's very first dental visit and that she had zero cavities. She said whatever it is you are doing, keep it up. Its because I am totally mean and don't let my kids have candy or soda. Occasionally M&M's and chocolate, but that's pretty much it.
She wanted to put sealant in 4 of Lily's molars. That fills up the grooves that are in the tooth and suppose to prevent cavities. She told me its is liquid plastic, they paint it on and then they melt in in there with some special light and it hardens. Ewww..melted plastic...
Obviously we are doing fine..Lily had no cavities. I politely turned that down. I don't want weird plastic crap in her mouth.
While I was in there with Lily, the boys went to Target to get a few things. I instructed Justin to pick me up a new bra. I told him the size and get something pretty, because you know that other one broke and is unwearable, unless I want to be prodded in the boob with an aluminum wire. No thanks.
Of all the hundreds of bras in the lingerie department at Target..he picks out the exact same bra that just broke! haha What!?! The only difference is that he choose white, the other one was a pink-ish color. He told me Jack and him were in that department for 20 minutes wandering aimlessly around. Jack blurrted out very loudly.."Wow, look at all those booba's!!" Awww, that's my boy..hahaha

Perfect Peppers,Sucky Supper and Cool Kids..

I am a dork and tend to think fruit and vegetables as art..beautiful stuff. I realized shortly after purchasing these beauties that they are perfect peppers.. I was kinda sad to use them..they looked so good in my kitchen, but needless to say they were delightfully tasty.
And this piece of work took all day..seriously. I concocted a sort of Chicken Cacciatore type recipe and cooked it all day. Then made a batch of butter herbed penne. (Oh yeah once when I was at a friends house she was making Chicken Cacciatore I couldn't say it for the life of me and kept calling it kitchen cacciatore..and yes I was drinking, although it has a certain zing to it dontcha think?) The house smelled amazing, resembling that of a a tiny kitchen somewhere far off in a Italian village..well what I think it would smell like anyway. Spices, tangy, sweet and lovely. I put so much love into that stupid dinner and can you believe it had like NO flavor..Seriously..Nadda. No herbs from the penne, no pepper taste in the chicken-y thing. Zilch. That totally blows. I was so excited about my creation. Justin was a total smart ass and said something like 'Chef Ramsey would be so disappointed'

I , being snarky and irritated said "I would NEVER serve this to HIM..just to you guys!" Sounds mean I know..oh well I was pissed. Here is the tragic dinner.

I thought this was kinda amusing. We always eat pistachios. Looking on the back of the jar it says this..."contains pistachios" Really? I would never guessed that was in there. Weird.

Jack is trying to put his own clothes on. Thank god, because I am tired of doing that. One night while were were off in London..or maybe Rome doing a gig with the band(Rock Band) I told Jack to go put on his pj's. And this is what he does..look closely and you'll see that there is 3 pairs of bottoms on totally backwards too. the sponge bob ones, he has both legs in the of the openings. We all got a good laugh outta that. Lily..she is a regular fashionista.. just look at what she picks out. Damn girl, she has better fashion sense than I do!Why is it that you think its OK to buy your kids clothes all the time, but when you you are in dire need of a new bra you go buy your kids more shoes?? Its OK to spend $14.99 on a blouse for your tween, but $20 on a pair of jeans for mom..that is just blasphemy. One day I will buy me clothes and feel no guilt. :)

Its Official...

Summer has just begun. Lily of course got mostly straight A's..(with the exception of a B in math..she must have my gene's). Today is a great day...Lily's 'grow a frog' arrived in the form of a tadpole..see, here he is..I think she named it Bob or Betty..And our package of books came. This is mine and Lily got 2 of these..and Justin..I dunno, some book based on the current video game he is playing..Conan or something...

I bought some vanilla bean ice cream to make some killer dessert thingy to celebrate my big 4th grader..

We may head to the beach on Saturday..I still have to by those beach shoes for the kids because stepping on some glass or random hypodermic needle would totally blow ya know..

Unfortunately I never created a master plan..some sort of magical agenda to survive the summer. I totally and completely suck.

There's always ghetto park, the pool, and play dates. Lily's gal pals are always wanting to come chill over here and do whatever it is that tween-ish girls do. I may watch a friends daughter on Monday's which would be OK..Jack loves her and they all (for the most part) play nicely together..works for me so I can veg on the computer or concoct something cool to eat.

Besides surviving the summer with two kids that are literally arch enemies, my goal is to loose 40, I mean 20 pounds. I can do it. Yeah I can totally do it. I mostly drink my breakfast..and no its not that Slim Fast shit...its the breakfast of champions and super mom's (and unfortunately its not Mimosa's either..) its coffee. 2-3 cups of that will do me good until oh I'd say 12-1 ish,

then I am pretty much ravenous and could 'pull a Salsa' and eat any random plastic thing on the floor. But I do have some restraint and eat yogurt and fruit. Its really hard not to eat whatever the kids didn't finish. I mean c'mon we can't waste that deluxe mac and cheese, there is children starving in parts of the world and who am I to toss perfectly good eats away? So yeah..hopefully I reach my goal. I have a pair of swim shorts or board shorts or whatever they are called and my goal is to actually where them and not bust them out in the gut..I think I will hang them on the fridge..and that string bikini in the pantry..and those skinny jeans that I wore way before kids..stick those in the freezer and then I am all set..there is some good inspiration for ya.

I guess I am on the hunt for a Napoleon Dynamite shirt in a 4T..anyone know where I can get that? We had to watch that move for the 1,364,789th time this morning and Jack was practically in tears begging for a shirt..he said he would be 'very happy to open it for his bday'..haha.

Justin and I agreed that the next time we watch that we would mute it and him and I would say all the lines..we know it by heart..its pretty pathetic..

Here is my big 4th grader..she totally rocks..I am so proud of her!

As I thought....

My assumptions were right..the doctor said and I quote.." Gosh I don't know what that is"
He asked if there was some trauma to the area..ahhh nope...
asked if I had diarrhea...ahh wtf? still nope
And frankly said it MAY be just a skin infection..
Dude I hope you know that for sure..he did do a culture..scraping my already tender and red area and while doing so says" I bet this hurts huh?"
Ya think dumb ass...
This Dr. spent more time typing on the stupid computer than examining his patient.
So $30 later and a bottle of some random antibiotic there ya go..
Diagnosis.."Dunno!"
He also said "If it is not gone in 2 days, come knocking back at our door!"
What the fuck for dude? So you can then try to give me some more antibiotic that you think I want and try to send me on my merry way?
I dunno, I totally thought that perhaps they would do an ultra sound, hell even an xray to see in more depth..because I told the Dr. that I had abdominal pain since Sunday..and he could also tell by my whining like a infant when he pushed down on my belly a thousand times.
Also the thing on my neck..the little gland, or lymph node or whatever the hell it is..he felt it with the tip if his index finger for like one micro-second and said "Ehh..its nothing, its not related,"
And people wonder why I didn't go to the doctor for my broken finger...This Dr. was nice and quite friendly and I only hope he had the very best intentions..really..but c'mon it was almost the end of his work day I was one of the last patients..(you see where I am going with this?)
Personally I have not had the most pleasant experiences with doctors..is it just coincidence that I always get the run of the mill diagnostics..like this for example..
Perhaps I am just a snobbish bitch and think I can treat ailments at home like I do most of the time...ahh well
It was so lame..like all these people are on a conveyor belt going in like zombies with whatever issue and coming out with prescriptions for the 'cure all antibiotic'. No thanks...
So here I am..broken finger, sprang wrist, weird crap with my scar and like it couldn't get any worse..the underwire from my bra came out and sliced my boob...
Ahhh isn't life grand!
Mama needs vodka..end of story...

Universal Signs...

Something is wrong. Or so I think.
Lately it seems like I am totally falling apart..my warranty is up.
First ..but still awhile ago I broke my ankle..
next up on the roster...broken finger...
One day later...sprain my wrist...
Sunday.. my c-section scar is bleeding...!!!
WTF??
Its been almost 4 years ..Sunday after a shower, I get out to dress and feel some pain and I look at my incision and its red, raw-ish and bleeding..not heavily..but there is some blood on it. And its right where the staples were. you can see where every single one was placed because its red and raised. I started to freak of course and then came the waterworks. I was sobbing like a baby and it felt like my guts were going to fall on my feet. Believe that's a freaky feeling.
And not only was the pain on the skin but inside too.
That was on Sunday afternoon..then Sunday night around 9ish I felt pain in my neck . I put my fingers up under my jaw and felt a hard, painful,round thing just below my left ear. Its smaller than the normal swollen glands that you get when you're ill, and also its higher up and it hurts like a sunavabitch to boot.
I normally don't go to the doctor...hence the broken finger saga..that I just self medicated..
but shit..this? What the hell would I do for this..?? No herb or potion I concoct is going to help this.
Needless to say I am off to Kaiser.
I feel like crap and I am insanely bloated I bet a finger prick would pop and deflate my gut.
I take all this crap as some sort of universal sign that I need to put myself on a priority list. Kids have always been first..but what good am I if I am broken? I need to take better care of myself. I am so picky and demand the kids to eat healthy and take their mineral/herbal supplements but I need to take my own advice..considering I have been living on coffee, vodka and vicadin. What a hypocrite I am. Shame on me.

Thoughts on Thursday

Monday I went to a Pampered Chef Kitchen Party..it was fun and nice to get away for some adult time. I did bring Lily however..because the lady who hosted the party has 2 daughters who are friends with Lil..and they go to the same school.
Funny, the Papered Chef lady is the cousin of my tenant upstairs from me..
So needless to say..I will be hosting one of those shindigs...sometime in August..
So far I ordered the chopper, and the apple corer thingy..
This stuff is dangerous..as a wannabe chef and foodie..I could drop alot of $ into Pampered Chef..
Justin was relieved when I came home not bankrupt..I only spent $47.
My finger survived the traumatic Salsa induced breakage...no longer taking Vicodin, but the Vodka occasionally...(only when hubby gets home though).
I just ordered this book..I love Sam...I have been checking his website constantly because Justin and I want to go to one of his cooking classes. That guy is a riot....he is hysterical, I would love to meet him, he is in San Diego too! And most importantly his recipes rock.. :)
We're headed for Costco again this evening. Lily is thrilled, she loves that place because she loves to try all the samples. Last time I was there..(last Thursday) I basically fed Jack lunch there with all the people handing out food. He was delighted!
Food lady came over last night and gave me the biggest plate of spaghetti and meatballs...it was delicious. I love that woman..I get along with her so well. There are just certain people that you click with and she is one of them for sure..she loves my kids and she said she is their adoptive granny...hahah...
For those of you who watch Hell's Kitchen...
aren't you glad Matt got kicked off? He was going a little nutso there..didn't he used to be nice in the beginning? My money is on Jen or Christina..Corey is a biotch!!
Maybe Petroza (is that how you spell that guys name?)
I am thinking of making a blog just for the kids,,Lily is old enough to type her own little thoughts and she's asked me a few times. So "Lily's Lounge" maybe be opening soon!

Finger Update...

Survived last night with plenty of Vicodin and Vodka, heres the results...

Still alive..

Still throbbing..

Not Crying...

Popping Pills...weee!!!

Not bent anymore..(thanks to the splint)

Using ice for swelling..

Still feel like a dumb-ass..

Bruised and tender

I am actually semi-functional, trying to get back to normal..(but still working it..hubby even made my coffee for me this morning..you know..because I am crippled and all)...

Traumatic Tuesday...

Read this to the tune of "Pop goes the weasel"

All around the living room, the mama was gonna vacuum,
the dog freaked out,
chaos ensued,
POP went my finger!

(long story short: I got out the vacuum, and proceeded to escort Salsa outside..which was my own stupidity.. because I know she hates the vacuum, but clearly I wasn't thinking, plus i hadn't had any coffee..i shoulda put her out first..soooo
i held her by the collar and started to walk her out, then she went ape shit...jumping, twisting, and all..meanwhile my finger was underneath the collar...then it happened..the all too familiar sound.(cuz i broke my ankle awhile back too weee!!).that gruesome snap crackle pop of my bone breaking.
Currently its in a splint i got at the drug store..plus i have some vicadin...
this finger of mine..looks totally retarded..like I have a sever case of arthritis or claw like fingers..its rather disgusting...
i am in so much pain and currently despise my dog. just figures it had to be on my right hand too.. now i can't do anything! even wiping jacks butt is a feat in itself..
pardon errors and typos..this entry took me about 47 minutes.typing with my left hand.not to mention the pills is making me dazed and confused...kinda fun actually..
and no i am not goin to a doc..no one is going to touch my poor finger..i don't care if it sets all crocked and retarded..no one is touching..not without a fight...
i would post a picture of the nasty, limp finger..but I can't do it now.., i'll have lily take it...stay tuned!!!

Jacks Accomplishment

Jack insisted I take a picture of "the biggest tower a kid ever made"

Him and I constructed this massive Lego tower this morning. He was so proud.

Salsa on the other hand, poor pooch..the whole damn thing fell over and scared the crap out of her... maybe this way she won't eat them anymore.

My fantabulous Weekend...

This weekend was great...

First we took my baby to dog park..(baby meaning Salsa..yeah yeah I know..its lame I have names for her..Salsa Beans.. and Beanie to name a few)..and might I proudly say she rocked the park..miss sociable...she made many a friends..and was the hit of the dag park..

Everyone was so excited they all chanted..."Greyhound..lets see her run" hahah she didn't do anything but trot along.. wasn't in the mood I suppose.

I had to hold the water fountain for this random dog for like 10 minutes..thirsty pup...

This is the companion I want for Salsa..a Sheba inu..yeah we need another dog like I need a hole in the head...

Then kids played..

We attended the party I mentioned before..too drunk to snap pictures..(thats for the best)..fun was had by all!!!

This is basically how to survive kid parties...

In other news...I am on the countdown folks..9 school days until summer..

WTF am I gonna do..???

I have no plans at all for the little critters..

I will endure blistering fights..arguing, tantrums, and many many more...

Whats a mom to do?

As of late..this boy of mine is being possessed by a evil, vindictive little person and I swear he's out to make my life miserable. I say that in the nicest possible way....

Even close friends of mine notice how awful he has been lately...

Can anyone relate?

I am considering running a day care..I have a few friends that want to drop off their kiddos off at my place during working hours for the summer..hmmm..they can entertain my kids and I can be off drinking mimosas...haha...totally kidding...

(Disclosure: this author was intoxicated while preparing this blog entry..not really responsible for children in a daycare scenario..nor will ever in her right mind agree to such a thing..blasphemy!!!!)